How to write for yourself and post for your audience
boundaries, vulnerability, and being an author in the public eye.
One of the questions I get most often is, “How did you get the courage to start sharing your writing publicly?”
This question is a complicated one to answer because I’ve been sharing various forms of writing publicly for many years. As a Unitarian Universalist minister, I regularly spoke to large rooms of people, I wrote essays, I published a blog. But what I think most people are getting at when they ask me this question is, when did you decide to be horrifyingly vulnerable in public?
And that has a more concrete answer.
When I quit drinking in 2018, I began to write poetry. First, I only wrote and shared in private writing groups. And that was where I first understood how my work could be received. That was where I first discovered that my words were interesting to other people and that my thoughts were often shared by those around me. It was a safe and sacred place to do that kind of discovery.
In 2018, I also started an anonymous Instagram account and began to talk about my journey to getting sober. There, I shared more of my personal writing and eventually my poetry. In order to create without shame or inhibition, I methodically went through Instagram and blocked members of my family, ex-congregants, and anyone else I wouldn’t want just stumbling upon my account, but I left my profile public. This was how I gained confidence and an organic audience who was drawn to my work and my voice.
After about a year of working under a screen name, I decided to go ahead and change my account to my real name. I kept my family blocked but they knew I was writing, and when I published my first book, “Secrets and Stars” in November of 2020 I was terrified. I felt like I was publishing my diary for anyone to read and I was afraid of the fallout. I was mortified when my parents read it. I was sure my partner would leave me. It was one of the most vulnerable things I’d ever done up until that point.
And here’s the truth; for most of us, sharing our work is going to be uncomfortable for a while. Poetry is almost always a combination of both fiction and truth, or in the words of poet Marianne Moore, poems are “imaginary gardens with real toads in them.” There are honest sentiments and feelings, memories and beliefs that shine through, despite the spin we might put on them.
It takes a great amount of courage to let yourself be seen, as writers must inevitably do, but I think the need to share despite the risk is at the heart of every artist.
“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” - Anaïs Nin
Eventually, the pain of remaining silent outweighs the risk of being seen, and that is when we must begin to share our work with the world.
What I will say is this: my family still loves me, my partner didn’t leave me, and I’ve heard the words, “your work has saved me, comforted me, helped me, reassured me that I am not alone in the universe,” more times than I can count.
Some practices that have helped me maintain good boundaries, both internally and externally.
I must remember that my work is not me. Every poem has a narrator, who is not my full self, but rather an aspect of who I am, exaggerated for effect.
Poetry is acting, the more I lean into this, the better and freer my work can be.
I am quite selective about the pieces I post publicly. I usually share only a line or two from a poem, not the entire thing. This allows me to maintain a better hold on my work and prevents outright plagiarism.
I don’t share much about my personal life on my public account. I maintain a separate private account for close friends and family.
I assume everyone I’ve ever known might read the work I share online.
I write entirely for myself first and foremost. My journals are mine; unedited, unviewed, and full of dark secrets.
I share only that which I feel safe to share and discuss.
It is ok to write things that are never shared - in fact, some of my best work will never see the light of day.
I would love to hear about your journey to sharing your work! Where are you in your process and what would you need to feel inside yourself, to know it was time?
I've written so many things - two volumes of short stories, dozens of essays, poems, etc - and have always been so eager to share them with friends, scared to share them with family, and downright uptight about sharing them with strangers. It's as if I always want to play ball in front of the home team. With strangers, it was always the risk of criticism. With my family, it was being judged. My parents are gone now, and though I loved and miss them, it's been liberating to write about their passings, and then to become more "myself" in my writing, less concerned about who reads it or what they make of it. I'm not sure if the two are connected or not. I'm still working through what all of it means.
This is really helpful for me to think through right now. I’m having a really hard time differentiating when vulnerability is courage and when vulnerability is betraying myself. I’ve subjected myself to a lot of criticism in the last few months, and it’s hard to discern when you’re casting your pearls before swine, or when you’re, helping people connect to their deepest selves through your disclosures.