Shapeshifters, dilettantes, and writers
a move away from niching down
There is a voice inside me telling me I’m not allowed to start over again. I’m not allowed to move platforms or try something new, that starting a Substack is just jumping on a bandwagon I’ve resisted for years already. But I’ve also been hoping for a place to share my work that has some social media aspects (like finding new readers and building community) without the urgent feeling of needing to post or like or follow or cut my words down to a single line to be seen.
I’ve built a huge following on Instagram (and I am incredibly grateful for that and for what it’s allowed me to do!) but fewer and fewer people ever see or engage with me there anymore. I could scream into the void about that but honestly every platform has its day and when it’s done, it’s done.
Most social media spaces I’ve tried lately feel like half-empty malls, filled with bored teenagers and retirees speed walking to keep warm. And there I am again, in an apron and heels, trying to get them to sample my wears. It’s exhausting and it’s lonely.
Oh, beloved writers and artists, it has always been hard to be seen. And the internet has made us undervalue each individual person who reads our work. I used to write a blog called “The Highly Sensitive Extrovert” - many of you on this list began with me there. I remember how it felt to know that 800 people had seen my work there. I was overwhelmed with awe that anyone would want to read what I wrote. I still am!
So, I am getting back to that format here with new and old ideas. The world has changed, and now I understand that the HSP (highly sensitive person) concept is considered by many to be ableist language to describe autistic traits. And since I learned my son is autistic, I have been on a bit of a journey to understand my own neurodivergence better. I imagine I will touch on that here on occasion, but mostly I am interested in how things connect across multiple fields; psychology, religion, myth, poetry, visual art, imagination. But also, politics, justice, anti-racism, and community. For years, I have believed the need to “niche-down” in order to build a brand, but I don’t know about any of that anymore.
One time I told my professor in seminary that I was worried I’d never be an expert in anything because I was always in the process of changing. They looked at me slyly and said “then I guess you’re an expert in transformation.” What a gift mentors can be, huh.
The world of capitalism will ask you to know yourself,
to sell some static version of expertise.
Some pin-pointable list of qualifications,
but you can be a cumulonimbus cloud of creative practice,
an empathetic tornado of information and varied skill sets
that all play into one another.
I am a pattern-seer, an emotional predictor, a woman who seems to know things before they happen. I am a torch bearer, a truth-keeper, a guide on the path to many.
I used to think it was lonely, to be able to see so many paths and walk most of them alone, but now I travel in a great company of poets and artists, a family created and sustained over lifetimes, over continents, connected by a river of ideas flowing freely between us. There are so many lights in the water now, it makes me wonder how I missed them before.
Perhaps my niche is shapeshifters. Perhaps my niche is generalists, creative dilettantes, hummingbird people, who learn deeply and constantly about anything that interests them and cross-pollinate ideas between areas of special interest. Is that you? Will you join me here and together we can be more than just one thing?
In an interview recently someone told me all people are either Scientists or Artists. I questioned that, asking if they thought there was space for someone who was a blend or somewhere in between. I concluded that this too was a space of transformation. Science requires a spark of creativity to progress, and art needs an element of a scientific approach to adapt, so where are those who naturally want and need to transform things? I've since concluded that these people are in fact Alchemists.
I’ve just come across this and you are describing my life - I can’t choose, can’t narrow down, am curious about so much! I’m also exploring neurodivergence and wondering if ADHD traits might be at play. But mostly - at 48 - I want to get rid of a sense of shame around not being able to choose and lean into joy about being so interested in the world. Happy to have found your writing!